I am absolutely speechless

Remember this article in The Onion?

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That’s three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I’m telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we’re standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we’re the chumps. Well, fuck it. We’re going to five blades.

Well, in disturbing fantasy becomes reality news:

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) – Gillette has escalated the razor wars yet again, unveiling a new line of razors on Wednesday with five blades and a lubricating strip on both the front and back.

It’s even Gillette, for noodle’s sake!

Throw down your weapons and I will see that you are well-treated

Finally, the snowfall has begun in earnest. I went to bed with about 4″ on the ground, and as of right now, there is 6″ of snow. This big blizzard they were calling for has really turned into a bust, eh? Wunderground tells me that we are only going to get another 2-5″ today…

I just tossed some laundry in the washing machine. I was a real klutz on sunday (as opposed to my normal klutziness) and got no less than 3 different stains on my Onion t-shirt. I slapped on some of that pre-treatment stuff and hopefully it will make it all better. Of course, I am definately not a laundry samurai, so I am not holding my breath. :)