I am absolutely speechless

Remember this article in The Onion?

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That’s three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I’m telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we’re standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we’re the chumps. Well, fuck it. We’re going to five blades.

Well, in disturbing fantasy becomes reality news:

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) – Gillette has escalated the razor wars yet again, unveiling a new line of razors on Wednesday with five blades and a lubricating strip on both the front and back.

It’s even Gillette, for noodle’s sake!

Uh oh

I had put off my New York State Taxes until today, and it turns out I am going to have to PAY!

I wonder where I am going to scrounge up the money to pay, I mean, Jesus, where is a person supposed to synthesize 37 cents in today’s economy?

Some people really need to discover clue.

This is hysterical

Howdy folks! I need to set something straight about the fourth installment of the Hellraiser series. This movie blows away Hellraiser II by far. Hellraiser III was better than the second one. Its plot as well as Doug Bradley’s spectacular acting ability tend to keep the viewer awake. The problem with Hellraiser three is that several portions of the film watch almost like a cheesy eighties metal video. Many of the cenobites were also dissapointing. Hellraiser: Bloodline was supposed to close this book for good.

Hellraiser 3 and 4 both suck… Badly. That is not to say that 1 and 2 were masterpieces, but they were entertaining and were based on decent screenplays, etc.

Finally, Director Alan Smithee takes the reins of this mighty series and steers Barker’s conception back onto the path. Unlike directors previously assigned to project: Hellraiser, Smithee ignores the storyline involving the Kirsty Cotton character.”

HAHAHAHA! “Director Alan Smithee”, is this guy a complete clue-bag? “Smithee ignores the storyline”… Wow. Yeah, I really respect the director of this film, who chose to leave his name off of it it was so poor… :)

Well, enough of that. I am heading out with , Amy, and a few other people to see Enemy at the Gates. It looks like it will be a pretty good movie; I mean, with snipers, you really can’t go wrong.