I am absolutely speechless

Remember this article in The Onion?

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That’s three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I’m telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we’re standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we’re the chumps. Well, fuck it. We’re going to five blades.

Well, in disturbing fantasy becomes reality news:

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) – Gillette has escalated the razor wars yet again, unveiling a new line of razors on Wednesday with five blades and a lubricating strip on both the front and back.

It’s even Gillette, for noodle’s sake!

4 thoughts on “I am absolutely speechless

  1. The five blades isn’t really that big a surprise. The line that I can’t get over from the Onion article is, “Put another aloe strip on that fucker, too. That’s right. Five blades, two strips.” Also, “I don’t care if they have to cram the fifth blade in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!” is pretty good since the fifth blade is on the back of the cartridge.

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