I was in the car with my coworker sometime recently and we began talking about the subject of movies. Someone began talking about the upcoming film Aliens vs. Predator, and I commented that I really expected it to suck. Then I began thinking about it, and it really is completely doomed to suck:
- First off, while there have been a handful of recent successes in this department, overall, Movies based on Comic Books Suck. For every Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Tank Girl, and X-Men, there is a Fantastic Four, The Punisher, Spawn, The Shadow, Dick Tracy, Superman IV, The Rocketeer, Road to Perdition, The Hulk, dot dot dot. The genre just doesn’t have alot going for it.
- It’s a sequel to TWO films that have already had awful sequels. I mean Aliens 4 and Predator 2 are some of the worst films ever, who would even think about Captain Planeting them up?
- Not only is this film based on a Comic Book, but there is also a Video Game. And as we know, movies based on video games just suck. They always do. I don’t even need to list them here, because they ALL suck.
So there you have it. AvP is going to BLOW. It is a doomed film, and the more I think about it the more doomed it gets.
…who would even think about Captain Planeting them up?
Funniest thing I’ve heard yet today.
I kinda liked The Rocketeer… And you forgot The Phantom… or was that just based on a radio series? irregardless, I liked that one a lot…
You also forgot to mention The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak… Put it under your “awful” heading… possibly the most woman-degrading film I’ve ever seen…
I did say “dot dot dot”. And Gwendoline? Was that based on a comic book or a video game?
comic book.
I don’t think Resident Evil sucked.
There is that Metroid movie in the works too. I like to pretend it’s not going to suck.
hey now.. i liked Dick Tracy
“
Hellboy: Best comic book movie ever. And what about The Crow?
Tank Girl: Ugh. Sorry, but IMHO UGH.
I don’t believe the good-to-suck ratio you’ve presented is an accurate representation of the genre. Proof: for every one “Halloween…” I’m not saying I won’t cringe upon hearing casting news such as Samuel L. Jackson portraying The Saint Of Killers, but comic book films will persevere- so long as they are directed by true fans of the subject material (Hellboy) and not by scriptwriters of “Armageddon” turned directors (“The Punisher.”)
Right now I am realy excited for “Sin City.” Robert Rodriguez. Frank Miller.
And I actually liked “Predator 2.” Critics who say Danny Glover is no Ah-Nuld is right- Danny can act. I never thought that the first film was all that impressive anyway. Just a slasher flick crossed with “Rambo.” (Worse, your sterner horror critics like John McCarty blow off the original “Alien” as nothing but a glossy big-budget splatter flick. I love the first film, but I see where he’s coming from.)
Come to think about it, “Rambo” is just a splatter flick with guns. Cheerleaders/Russians wander alone through the woods/rainforest and get picked off one by one by a deranged lunatic/All-American Hero.
I don’t understand this sentence. :)
And John McCarty can suck it, Alien is an amazing film. I didn’t see Hellboy…
Um, hmmm… Damn. You weren’t supposed to understand it. I was being all highbrow, you see. Blinding you with my thesaurus, ha ha.
Didn’t work.
Ugh.
…What WAS I saying? Shit.