My Ass is on Fire

Thank you for your interest in Verizon Online DSL. Unfortunately, upon further evaluation of your phone line, we have determined that DSL is not available at your premises at this time. If you wish to speak to a Verizon Online customer service representative, you may call us at 1-877-375-2904. In order to be automatically contacted when Verizon Online DSL service becomes available on your line, you may enter your contact information at www.verizon.net.

AND THE CREAMY TOPPING?!?!?! - The god-damned phone number doesn’t work?!?!?!