Assholes Anonymous

Hello, my name is Sean and I am a recovering asshole.

[Hi, Sean!]

I have been an asshole for nearly 31 years now, but I’m finally feeling like coming to these meetings is starting to help. For instance, today I came home to find a FedEx envelope addressed to some stranger at my address. I opened this envelope, sent by StubHub, to find two standing room tickets to the Red Sox vs. Cardinals game on June 21st of this year. I’m not sure what came over me, but after a few seconds of internal deliberation, I decided to do the “right” thing and contact StubHub so these tickets could find their way to their rightful owner. At first, I felt like a chump, but after speaking on the telephone with my sponsor, , he suggested that I simply realized that there are some things in life which are just sacred, and the Boston Red Sox and Fenway Park are but two of them.

I’m not sure if I would have behaved the same way before I started coming to these meetings, but I certainly appreciate having all of you wonderful people support me. One day at a time.

I am, as always, an asshole

and I went to the Hippie Mart ™ to pick up dinner tonight and as we were walking in an employee was setting up a display of Crocs, otherwise known as “the most unattractive shoes of modern times”. Corinna remarked at how high their price was, and I commented that they should pay you to wear them since they make you look like a complete douchebag.

It was at this point that I noticed that the customer two feet in front of us was wearing Crocs.